Holmes for the Holidays

It was a cold and wet November evening, and the gale without made me glad of the cheery blaze on the hearth. That mood soon changed, however, as I glanced over the evening papers. My eye fell upon a small headline: Govenor Honors Polish War Hero with State Holiday. "What rubbish!" I cried. "If we continue to add new holidays at this alarming rate, there will be no working days left for decent folk to earn a living." My companion glanced up from cross-indexing our file of Wheelwrightings and replied mildly, "Why not be rid of all the usual holidays, then, to make room for purely Sherlockian ones?" "Capital!" I cried . . . All right, so we don't have a hearth, and that really wasn't how the idea came about. But don't you agree it's time we put a new calendar to use? And we don't mean a new set of twelve puppy photos for 1986. After all, Columbus has had his day since 1492 -- haven't we honored him enough? It's time for completely new holidays. Sherlockian holidays.

We could, of course, simply celebrate Sherlockian holidays amongst ourselves, as is presently done on Moriarty's Unhappy Birthday. The ultimate goal, however, should be the passage in Congress of the Sherlockian Holiday Bill. To that end, we have devised a plan whereby the new system will be made palatable to the common folk. In this plan, there will be a direct correspondence between the Sherlockian holidays and their traditional counterparts (not unlike the manner in which Christian holy days supplanted the original pagan fests). Here, then, is a list of some of the principal holidays under the proposed system.

January 1: CRITERION BAR DAY -- According to Christopher Morley, on this date Watson met Stamford, and hence Holmes.

January 13: VALENTINE'S DAY -- It was on this date (in Baring-Gould's chronology) that Holmes became engaged to Agatha, the romantic housemaid in CHAS.

March 17: ELSIE PATRICK'S DAY.

April 1: SCOTLAND YARD DAY.

Last Thursday in July: THANKSGIVING -- How else could one properly commemorate the ecstatic gratitude of Percy Phelps than by sitting down to a traditional holiday meal of ham, eggs, and curried chicken? (NAVA)

First Monday in August: LABOR DAY -- Celebrating our freedom to work in the trade of one's choice. The date is derived from that of the noble Hudson's arrival at Donnithorpe, whereupon he immediately secured a position as gardener and was soon promoted to butler (GLOR).

HALLOWEEN, in our one bow to tradition, will remain October 31. However, it will become illegal to celebrate in any but true Sherlockian manner -- Canonical disguises only. (See our column in P&D #62).

CHRISTMAS will be moved to December 27 (BLUE). Dissent should be minimal, since the change will give everyone two extra shopping days.

Our plan does have its drawbacks, such as the good Dr. Watson's inexactitude with dates. We would like to celebrate Veteran's Day on the date that Watson returned from Afghanistan, but who can agree on when that occurred? There are other problems as well. Even Holmesians might be unwilling to exchange Good Friday for Reichenbach Day, and to replace Easter with Sherlockian Resurrection Day.

But no matter. Once the idea of new holidays catches on in our own circles there should be plenty of time to have revised calendars in the stores for 1987.

Oh, yes. Columbus Day? You'll have to mark that on your calendars individually. It will be replaced by the most important and most personal celebration of all honoring the day you discovered Sherlock Holmes.

(Printed in Plugs & Dottles, December 1985)