"The Race is Afoot"

Since being a Sherlockian is a leisure pastime, an oasis of pleasure in a too-stressful world, we like to avoid certain topics when waxing Sherlockian. Religion and politics, for two, are things we only deal with in the past tense. Was Holmes Jewish? Which Lord was blackmailed by whom in what case? Such matters never cause any raging arguments, since what difference do hundred-year-old political situations make?

The time has come to change all that.

It's an election year, as all but the most fanatic Sherlockians among you may have noticed. We're going to have to elect a president within a few months, and, as always , the choices are limited. Do we vote for this guy or the other guy . . . and who really cares about either of them anyway? We need a candidate we can build up some steam over, someone who already has a nationwide following, somebody whose name the voters will recognize.

Need I say more? Let's get Sherlock Holmes in the ring this year! You may have already seen the phrase from elections past: "Sherlock Holmes, the logical candidate" or something of that sort. But Holmes is more than just that; he's the ideal candidate for the highest office in the land. People have been saying Ronald Reagan was too old to hold the office of president for the last eight years — I say he was too young! Get a man with some worldliness in the White Housel At 134 years of age, Sherlock Holmes has more than enough seasoning to run this country.

I know, I know, Holmes is English, right? And you have to be over thirty-five years old and an American citizen to run for president, don't you? Well, let me direct your attention to the very last time we see Holmes — in "His Last Bow."

"But you're an American citizen?" Von Bork asked the disguised Holmes.

"Well, so was Jack James an American citizen," replied Holmes.

Enough said. When last seen, Sherlock Holmes was an American.

We knew he had it in him. Wasn't the woman in his life, the only girl he came close to loving, an American? Wasn't it Sherlock Holmes who said, "It is always a joy to meet an American," and who dreamed of England and the United States united once more under a common flag? And didn't Franklin Roosevelt, the thirty-second president of the United States, write the piece "Sherlock Holmes was an American"? If anyone should know who's a citizen and who isn't, it should be the president.

Sherlock Holmes was, and is, an American. I think it's time we called upon him to put his faculties to use in straightening out-the ills of his country. He may have been a detective at one time, but he gave that up. Perhaps by now he's more ready to try the ultimate mental challenge of running an entire country, like his brother Mycroft did. (There's a bit of brotherly one-upmanship for you: "My country's bigger than yours.").

Picking a running mate for Holmes may be the hardest part of getting him elected. Dr. Watson is as British as British can be, despite the fact that he has all the markings of an ideal vice-president. I myself would nominate John Bennett Shaw for that spot. He's got the charm to help Holmes win the election, and the good sense not to try to run for office himself when the detective's term is over. As long as Shaw isn't allowed to give quizzes on the campaign trail, I think we can have a winning ticket here. Now is the time, Sherlockians! Let's rally round the banner of the Holmes-Shaw ticket in '88, and make the Sherlockian Party a force to be reckoned with. Get those "Reagan was too young: Vote Holmes in '88" bumper stickers on your cars and those red, white, and blue deerstalkers on your heads. Make sure your local TV stations run an hour of Jeremy Brett on "Mystery!" for every hour of Bush or Dukakis they run. Organize fund-raising dinners featuring oysters and grouse! The time is now, Sherlockians. Let's keep that momentum from the Holmes centennial going until it gets that best and wisest man in the spot where he's needed most.

This year, we may even be able to stretch out the Holmes birthday weekend in New York to include the inauguration in Wash- ington. What Sherlockian could ask for more?

(Printed in Plugs & Dottles, September 1988)