"It's Constitutional!"

On Friday, January 11, 1991, The Baker Street Irregulars met for dinner in New York City.

On Friday, January 11, 1991, The Baker Street Irregulars met for dinner in Morton, Illinois.

One of these statements has got to be false. Any veteran Sherlockian knows that every year the BSI dine in New York, the mighty metropolis and mecca of commerce and culture. The thought of The Baker Street Irregulars holding a dinner in a mere suburb -of Peoria is ludicrous. And what went on the rest of the weekend, a veteran Sherlockian might ask -- a trip to the Mysterious Bookshop of Bartonville? The Martha Hudson Breakfast being held at the East Peoria Hardee's?

Well, hold your tongues, veteran Sherlockians, because ludicrous or no, both of the above statements are true. The BSI did dine in Morton on the night in question. They also dined in New York (I hope, as having been witness to only the more local of the dinners myself, I have yet to hear reports of the New York affair).

How is this possible? Return with me to February 3, 1934, less than one month after the first meeting of The Baker Street Irregulars (in New York, that time). Christopher Morley printed the Constitution of The Baker Street Irregulars in The Saturday Review of Literature on that date. Elmer Davis had composed the work, and Morley, as founder and head of the Irregulars, gave the document his blessing by publishing it as a part of his monthly column. From that date forward, the Constitution of the BSI has been read with reverence at meeting after meeting of the group, and is always concluded with equally reverent laughter.

The laughter comes, of course, from the fact that the Constitution and its "Buy-Laws" do have a bit of tongue-in-cheek about them. There are also the dated references to the Gasogene and Tantalus, and White Rock soda. The use of Canonical quizzing to determine who buys drinks as outlined therein is a little absurd as well, especially in this health-conscious age when we are a bit more conservative about our drinking habits (some of us, anyway).

Nonetheless, the Constitution and "Buy-Laws" of the Baker Street Irregulars is honored to this day, as it should be. So allow me to cite two of those "Buy-Laws" in explanation of the mysterious Morton BSI dinner.

Buy-Law #1: "An annual meeting shall be held on January 6 . . ."

As far as I know, no Baker Street Irregulars got together for that traditional annual meeting on the 6th. If they did, I wish they would have invited the rest of us. But, no need to worry, we can find a handy substitute in the words of "Buy-Law" #3.

Buy-Law #3: "Special meetings may be called at any time or place by any one of three members, two of whom shall constitute a quorum."

Apparently, this is what Tom Stix did in New York on the 11th. And it's exactly what I did in Morton on the 11th as well.

The three members involved were Gordon Speck, Bob Burr, and myself. Gordon had another commitment that night (he has a fondness for the more distant dinner for some reason -- tradition, perhaps), but Bob and I were enough to make our quorum. Having met all the necessary requirements of "BuyLaw" #3, we proceeded to have our dinner.

Toasts were drunk, and Irregular Burr was forced not to clean his plate, but to identify the Canonical significance of everything on it. He only needed a little nudge on the green peas, and as a true Irregular, he was good for a round of drinks even for that. Unlike the New York BSI dinner, howeer, the attendance at the Morton BSI dinner was 50% female, a pleasant ratio. Unfortunately, neither of the females present was an Irregular, and neither was inducted during the course of the evening. (Current New York fads haven't found their way out here yet).

A fine time was had by all, and a certain sense of security filled the air. Thanks to those odd little rules written up over fifty years ago, there will always be Baker Street Irregulars meeting as our founder would have wanted them to, be it in New York, Morton, or some basement fallout shelter in a post apocalyptic wasteland. All it takes is three members, two of whom shall constitute a quorum . . .

(Printed in Plugs & Dottles, February 1991)