Re-demonizing the Hound

For some reason, the Hound of the Baskervilles has been in my thoughts overmuch of late. (I'm speaking of the dog, not the novel, hence the lack of italics.) Of all the characters of the Canon, he seems to me one of the most ill-used.

Having phosphorus painted on your face is rough, and being forced to seek sustenance in other dogs and the occasional convict is certainly no picnic in the Fernworthy wood. Being shot multiple times is rather rough, too, but the Hound was hardly theonly one in the Canon to take a few bullets. But all of these pale compared to the real damage done to the Hound of the Baskervilles: his image.

When we first envision this pooch he is a gloriously gruesome Hound From Hell, as big as a horse and utterly demonic. By novel'send, however, he's just another road-kill mutt, debunked by the greatest debunker of 'em all.

And it's not on the printed page where the Hound suffers the most. Consider this aspect of the famous beast: he's a really scary movie monster ... at least for a while. He could have been a contender, right up there with Dracula, the Frankenstein monster, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Other monstrous animals have fried to enter this horror hall of fame, but not of them had the raw fright power of the Hound.

Part of the Hound's publicity problem is that, like Conan Doyle, he quickly fell under Sheriock Holmes's shadow. Any time someone tried to do a sequel to the Hound's tale, either on film (Murder at the Baskervilles) of in print (The Return of the Hound), it featured Sheriock Holmes and no demon hound from Hell. Even the Spider Woman, from the Rathbone/Broee movie of that name, got to have a sequel of sorts without Sherlock Holmes in it. Why can't the Hound, like every other good movie monster, have his own sequel?

"Well," you say, "it could be because he was shot full of bullets."

Did bullets stop Jason, Freddy, or any of the more modern monsters? One movie they'd be dead and full of lead, the next movie they're back out of the ground looking for more victims. Even Dracula kept getting the stake pulled out of his heart every time Hammer needed to make a new movie (the continuity of Christopher Lee's Dracula films is a thing to behold).

And think about it, how do we know that Sherlock Holmes killed the real Hound? What was that thing Sir Hugo summoned up in the legend? In order to be a proper curse, as it is explained to us, that thing had to come after somebody else in the Baskerville line. And it's probably still coming around when the moon is full and the godless scions of modem Baskervilles drink their fill and chase maidens across the parking lot of the local Holiday Inn.

Picture it . . . The Hound of the Baskervilles II: California Demon. Two brothers, descendants of Sir Henry and Beryl, have grown tired of the family farm in Canada, and hit die road, headed for L.A. The younger is learned, wise, and good. The older is a dark, wild spirit who hears a howling in his very blood. In his lustful pursuit of some farmer's daughter along some backroad, the eldest of the brothers offers his soul to the Powers of Evil, accidentally invoking the curse that has lain dormant for centuries.

Think the tyrannosaurus chasing the Jeep in Jurassic Park was something? Wait until you see a Hound from Hell the size of a horse chasing a Mustang convertible down the interstate. He might tear the bumper off with his fire-dripping jaws, just for starters, and keep going from there.

Of course, occasionally the Hound catches a victim and doesn't kill them right away. He drags them off, and while they're unconscious, starts digging a hole. The poor victim, waking as the Hound digs, thinks "Hey, he's like a bear. If I play dead and let him kick dirt over me, I can escape later."

Of course the victim realizes his mistake as the Hound drops him into the hole . . . for just how deep do you think a Hound from Hell buries his bones? Well, as our hapless victim sees the flames awaiting him there, he realizes he's not going to get to meet the harp-and-wings crowd.

The possibilities for this puppy are endless. Stumbling into a lion country safari park and chasing really big cats up trees. Plenty of frontal nudity (a cheap modern horror movie staple) as Hugo's descendant indulges in his immoral ways.

Perhaps the only problem with this revitalized Hound of the Baskervilles is how to put him down once he's been summoned up. Sherlock Holmes did it back in Dartmoor fairly easily because he wasn't dealing with a truly demonic dog. Nobody's ever come up with any handy rules like wooden stakes or silver bullets for Hounds from Hell. And that makes the beasty truly frightening.

Of course, like the original, the Hound might vanish once he's taken the body and soul of the Baskerville that called him. He's like a retriever that way, picking up ducks for the Forces of Evil.

However it turns out, I have faith in the Hound's appeal — just so long as Sherlock Holmes stays out of die movie. That scene-stealer has hogged the spotlight for too long, and as the saying goes, every dog must have his day.

Especially the Hound.

(Printed in Plugs & Dottles, August 1997)