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Pastiches

Pastiche. There probably isn't another word in the world of Sherlockiana that cause more reaction. Either you love them or you hate; either you read them or you ignore them. No matter where you fit into the equation, they are out there. Hundreds even thousands of them. Some are good and some are bad and some are downright pathetic.

I have my share of them in my collection At last count over 750! I think it's ironic that over 100 of them do not identify the author. When I was traveling, I found pastiches useful during take-offs and landings. People like Val Andrews kept me loaded with things to read. I began writing MiniReviews and sending them into The Holmes and Watson Report. I have produced 67 MiniReviews. It is sad to say that only a couple are remarkable.

Sherlock Holmes has met every famous person who has lived since 1887! At lease it appears that way according to pastiches. Also, everyone whose name has ever appeared in The Sacred Writings has their own series as well. Martha Hudson, Billy the Page, Dr. Mortimer, Dr. Watson, Professor Moriarty, Irene Adler, Mycroft Holmes, and Inspector Lestrade all star in their own series. I am still waiting on The Adventures of the Madtilda Briggs to be published.

I have read 4 different Sherlockian Holmes / Harry Houdini pastiches and 3 different Sherlock Holmes / Phantom of the Opera novels. I have read where Holmes solves the Lincoln assassination 30 years after the fact and exonerates John Wilkes Booth! This was not nearly as bad as his involvement in the JFK assassination. Holmes has solved mysteries with Teddy Roosevelt, Allistair Crowley, Bertrand Russell, Oscar Wilde, and Mother Teresa.

You've heard that old expression; "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle." Don't say it to loudly around your pastiches. In case you were wondering, Tarzan and Holmes are related according one writer. I am sure someone else has him related to Mahatma Gandhi, The Dalai Lama, Albert Schweitzer, Tinker Bell, Madaona, Elton John, and the entire cast of Hair. Where does credibility end?

There are good pastiches, even great ones. Vincent Starrett's "The Unique Hamlet" and Mona Morstein's The Childhood of Sherlock Holmes are both exceptional reads. However one must wade through countless bad pastiches before coming across a gem. But for those who can never get enough of Holmes and the world he resides, pastiche serve a useful function.

Willis Frick gave me permission to use his rules for writing pastiches, which were posted on The Hounds of the Internet. It is too bad that these rule are not followed regularly.

Frick's Rules for Good Pastiches:
By Willis Frick

All this talk about pastiches made me think up my own rules. So, with no apology whatsoever,

I offer my highly opinionated rules for good pastiches.

1. Write short stories, not a book. The longer a work becomes, the harder it is to maintain another writer' s style, sense, language, characters, and situations. The best pastiches I have read were short stories; some of the most execrable were endless books. Part of the literary agent's brilliance is his ability to set a stage for a time, a place, and a situation in less than a paragraph.

2. No famous people as characters! The character of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are already made and set. So is the overall situation. Apply your creativity to the plot and the rest of characters and do not recycle the person of Teddy Roosevelt to sell mufflers.

3. The end of civilization as we know it should NOT depend on the outcome of your pastiche. Not every case is simultaneously crucial to the future existence of the Queen of England, the Pope, Argentina, and the Royal Navy. You will recall the interesting matter of a red-haired pawnbroker.

4. Check your facts! Don't assume that Tower Bridge was there in 1890, that trains to Scotland leave from Victoria, or that a critical mass of Uranium can be assembled from two pieces at walking speed to make an atomic bomb.

5. Set the story in London or at least England! Yes, I know you have lived in Hicksville Ohio for 30 years, know the geography and people well, and want to provide an explanation for the area's great mystery (who killed old man McCarthy in '06). Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson belong in Victorian England.

6. Sherlock Holmes is not Rambo. Very seldom in the Canon is action "on stage" used to forward the plot or resolve the story. The fight with Woodly your recall was off-stage. Even when action by Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson is vital to the plot it is done in a few sentences (Take a look at the short scene in "The Adventure of the Three Garridebs" where Dr. Watson is shot.).

7. The characters, behaviors, and expertise of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are set, with enough internal inconsistencies for a wide variety of behaviors. Yes, I know you are an expert on stamps from the Belgium Congo, but don't make Sherlock Holmes a world-leading philatelist. And, with no apologies to a certain writer, don't marry anybody off!

8. Dialog is hard, but study the Canonical style and try. Long third person paragraphs, the comments on an imaginary narrator, or words from outer space are generally absent from the Canon. While Victorians may of been more formal in their speech, that is not an excuse for horrendous, convoluted dialog.

9. Follow the rules of detection and play fair with the reader. No long lost identical twins or time machines.

10. If you must be politically correct, then use Victorian politics. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are men of their time. While we might cringe at their prejudices, don' t bring them up to date -- they don't live in Kansas City!

You can probably find an exception to each of these rules somewhere in the Canon, but not all 10 at once.

But, you ask, why doesn't Mr. Frick write pastiches if he knows all the rules? Well, I am ready to admit I am not much good at creative writing but at the same time I enjoy good creative reading.

Happy Writing!