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More Adventures of
Sunblock Hose
and
Doctor Whacko

The world's first and utmost serial
consorting detective and the original
big dummy by A. Conman Doll
(whose lips never seem to move
while Doctor Wacko is narrating).

"I am sorry, sir," Miss Nary A. Marestongue apologized after her axe neatly split the basket chair I had recently been sitting in. "But I have carried that axe all the way from Lower Chamberpot and it was quite heavy. I could hold it no more."

She was a blonde young lady, well stockinged and tidily wrapped. For the sake of discouraging competition from my readers, even at the late date this sees print, I would state that she was plain as a Scottish flour sack and dressed in clothes so dull they would put a village clergyman to sleep. She was, actually, the best thing I'd seen in an experience of women on five continents and a penguin, but that's my secret.

"I am here because I need a man, Mr. Hose," she said, "and my employer, Mrs. Cecil Andbeany, assured me that you were such a man."

"And so is Dr. Whacko!" Hose exclaimed as he twitched nervously in the young lady's presence. "We are two such men! Manly men! We don't really live together, in fact, Whacko was just about to leave me for a wife, weren't you, Whacko? In fact, I think he's about to propose to you any minute now . . ."

To my delight, Miss Marestongue shoved a sock in Hose's mouth. Where she got the sock, I could not say.

"Here's my situation," she began. "My father was an American cavalry sergeant who sent me to England when I was a child. I was kept in a zoological garden until I was seventeen years of age, in a cage marked 'American child.' At that point the visitors to the zoological garden no longer believed I was a child and would hurl herring at my keeper. My father was telegraphed, and he came for me, having claimed to have made his fortune at last. Only he never arrived. In his place, I recieved this ..."

She picked up the huge fireman's axe and handed it to Sunblock Hose.

"Every year I get another one of these in the mail. I hoped to one year get a ladder, or maybe a rubber coat, but the only variation was the note that came with this year's axe. It's an invitation to the theatre ... and it says I can bring a date."

"This is a heavy business," Sunblock Hose said as he raised the axe over his head. "It's slipping! Look out, Whacko!"

IS THIS A COPY OF LAST EPISODE'S CLIFFHANGER?

WILL SOMETHING NEW HAPPEN TO THREATEN WHACKO'S LIFE NEXT TIME?

BE HERE NEXT WEEK FOR THE THRILLING ANSWERS! SAME WHACK-TIME! SAME WHACK-WEB-PAGE!

(Originally presented on the Baker Street list on July 8, 1998.)