Back to SherlockPeoria front page              Back to The View from SP Archives

More Adventures of
Sunblock Hose
and
Doctor Whacko

The world's first and foremost serial
consenting detective and his little
wooden friend by A. Conman Doll
(who is always drinking a big glass
of water while Doctor Whacko is narrating).

Sunblock Hose, Nary Marestongue, That Dead Ass Sholtomoto, and I quickly followed George Foreman down a dimly lit corridor as the crash of a hundred axes echoed from the room behind us.

"What in the big Black Hole of Calcutta was that?" I cried out when all concerned had stopped to catch their breath.

"The Great Viagra Treasure!" That Dead Ass Sholtomoto retorted.

"Over a hundred diamond-edged axes from the great Viagra Fort in Northwestern America. Both my father and Miss Marestongue's father were stationed there during the Indian Wars of Recession. It was discovered by the cavalry soldiers there that the natural spring the Viagra Fort had been built around had properties that enhanced the limp resolve of even the oldest soldier . . ."

"Ah," exclaimed Sunblock Hose, "hard water."

"Exactly! And the lumberjacks from all the surrounding area would bring in the finest axes known to man in exchange for that water. It made our fathers very rich men."

"Didn't we come in here to check on your brother, who Foreman told us is now dead in some sudden and unexplained manner?" I asked.

"Good old Whacko!" Hose laughed. "Always the ray of clear light in the confusing plot line!"

George Foreman led us up three flights of stairs and down a fourth flight of stairs, then through a big revolving barrel and over a shakey bridge. We ended our tour in a darkened corridor, with the light of only a single keyhole shining in on us.

"He's in there," Foreman said and indicated the keyhole.

"Do you hear that, Whacko?" Hose asked suddenly. "It sounds like heavy breathing."

I heard it, and so did the rest of our company.

"It's the Sighin' of the Fort!" Sholtomolto cried out. "Father said this sound was heard every night at the great Viagra Fort, as we heard it on the very night he died!"

"Ah, a Fortean occurence," Sunblock Hose replied casually.

"It means death!" That Dead Ass Sholtomolto cried out, then suddenly lived up to his name.

WILL WHATEVER GOT SHOLTOMOTO GET DR. WHACKO?

WHERE ARE THE AXES IN THIS POOR EXCUSE FOR A CLIFFHANGER?

BE HERE NEXT WEEK FOR THE THRILLING ANSWERS! SAME WHACK-TIME! SAME WHACK-WEB-SITE!

(Originally presented on the Baker Street list on July 11, 1998.)