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The Adventures of
Sunblock Hose
and
Doctor Whacko

The world's first and utmost serial
consorting detective and the original
big dummy by A. Conman Doll
(whose lips never seem to move
while Doctor Wacko is narrating).

The razor-edged knife of Sunblock Hose came at me with swift scientific precision, just as I felt the knob of the door behind me bump happily into my open hand. With one swift move, I swung the door open and hid behind it.

"You'll do!" Sunblock Hose cried out and rushed past me.

I heard a cry, and emerged from behind the door to find a wounded commissionaire lying bleeding in the hallway.

"I have replicated my results!" Sunblock Hose clapped his hands with delight. "The Sunblock Hose Test for blood in the human body is one hundred percent effective!"

"Letter for Mr. Sunblock Hose," the commissionaire said weakly,

holding up an envelope. Hose took it and closed the door.

"Will he be all right?" I asked.

"He's a retired drill sergeant of Her Majesty's Bayonet Service, with a scissors-grinding wheel at home and a daughter named Lizzie," Hose announced. "He can take a good cut. Ah, a letter from Inspector Lestadt."

"Brag and bounce!" I protested. "Lestadt is pronounced with a long 'a' sound like 'estate'! You have no way of knowing he pronounces it otherwise!"

"I have had several interviews with Lestadt," Hose replied. "And I think we are about to have another one ... a bad business at Laurenbacall Gardens, it would seem. Have you a weapon?"

"My service revolver is back at the hotel," I answered.

"Too bad!" Sunblock Hose exclaimed, pointing a hair-trigger revolver in my direction.

WILL DOCTOR WHACKO BE ABLE TO STOP A BULLET WITH HIS DOOR TRICK?

WILL THE COMMISSIONAIRE STAND STILL FOR MORE PUNISHMENT?

BE HERE NEXT WEEK FOR THE EXCITING ANSWERS! SAME WHACK-TIME! SAME WHACK-WEB-SITE!

(Originally presented on the Baker Street list on June 29, 1998.)