Having never been in the military, law enforcement, or air traffic control, I quite naturally was stunned this week to find myself fairly conversant in the NATO phonetic alphabet, used for audibly relaying letters of the alphabet with the least room for confusion. A co-worker popped up with the question, “What’s the word for ‘S’? You know, in that ‘alpha-bravo’ sort of talk?” The first thing that popped into my head was not, I am sad to say, “Sherlock.”

It was a startling indication of the sorts of things that a steady diet of movies and television puts into your head without you knowing about it. “Sierra Tango Foxtrot” instantly rolled into my brain from some unknown entertainment past. And having found this alien bit of info in my head, I swiftly headed for the internet, Google, and onwards to Wikipedia, where a wealth of data awaited.

The words that had appeared in my head are formally called the NATO phonetic alphabet or radiotelephony spelling alphabet. Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot . . . the words brought a childlike delight to those ABCs that we’ve all grown quite jaded about. They’re like this fun code that anyone can figure out, yet it magically makes plain old letters seem a lot more important. And there’s a good reason for that – the phonetic alphabet is used in situations like air traffic control where it is absolutely critical that no one make even the slightest mistake.

Which is amazingly antithetical to a whimsical hobby like Sherlockiana . . . as much as Sherlockians try for absolute accuracy and love catching errors in Watson’s work and that of their fellow Sherlockians, making a mistake in the Sherlockian world never killed anybody. But just suppose . . . just suppose . . . we were to build a super-secret black ops Sherlockian strike team. We’d need our own phonetic alphabet right? Something a Sherlockian would pick up like a magnet picks up tacks, instantly recognizable. I mean, we’d hate to have to come up with one on the spur of the moment, right?

So let’s see what a Sherlockian phonetic alphabet might sound like.

Alpha . . . hey, it works for NATO, and the Alpha Inn is a key spot in “Blue Carbuncle.” Might as well keep it.

Baker . . . Henry Baker hung out at the Alpha, and the Allies used it instead of “Bravo” in World War II.

Carfax . . . here’s my first real Sherlockian divergence from existing phonetic alphabets. It’s a cool, memorable word, might as well use it.

Dixie . . . Steve Dixie may not be the Canonical character we’re most proud of, but you do remember his sorry self.

Escott . . . it’s for our Sherlockian black ops strike team, remember? Holmes’s undercover name is a must!

Falmouth . . . can’t say why I like that spot from “Gloria Scott,” but I just do.

Gloria . . . as mentioned previously, “Gloria Scott.”

Hudson . . . major characters are a must!

Irene . . . see above.

Jew’s harp . . . Parker the garrotter was an excellent player upon one of these, and garrottes and strike teams go together like Garridebs and bugs.

Khyber . . . the place of De Merville’s fame, and a very distinctive word for our list.

Lestrade . . . back to the major players  rule.

Moriarty . . . ditto.

Nauvoo . . . one of the Canon’s great starting points.

Ormstein . . . well, it doesn’t sound like anything else we’ve got so far, unlike Oakshott and Oxford.

Pink ‘Un . . . this late in the alphabet, we’re really looking for odd sounds, and as much as I hate to return to “Blue Carbuncle” again, this one does it.

Queer Street . . . the pickin’s in “Q” are pretty small, but this just might do.

Reichenbach . . . awfully long, but, hey . . . it’s Reichenbach.

Sherlock . . . gotta do it. Sherlockians, remember?

Tangey . . . yes, a woman that rode a bus. But the phonetic is nice.

Utah . . . back to the Canon’s beginnings againg.

Vernet . . . and back to Holmes.

Watson . . .  mandatory.

Excelsior . . . all phonetic alphabets have problems with that “X”!

Yeggman . . . good old index!

Zamba . . .at this point, well, it’ll do.

Okay, boys and girls, that’s it. Print this week’s column out and file it under “Sherlockian black ops strike team basics” so you’ll be ready when the big day comes. Of course, you might also want to encourage your fellow Sherlockians to do a few push-ups in the meantime as well . . .

Your humble correspondent,

Brad Keefauver