Aging Gracefully, The Easy Way

Yes, Holmes and Watson are still alive. A short, recent exchange of correspondence between the two appears in the June issue of The Baker Street Journal , reminding us that they do continue to survive in body as well as in spirit. We had no thoughts to the contrary, of course.

Why then, does one feel the need to cry "hoax!" after reading their letters? True, they do seem to be written by the genuine articles. No doubt they were. But the Holmes and Watson found therein are pretty much as we left them in 1914, and aging normally. There lies the problem.

It is now 1983. Depending upon which chronologist one goes by for the years of their births, Holmes and Watson are somewhere between 125 and 130 years of age. One cannot call that aging normally by any means. And are we still to believe that for the last seventy years Holmes has been keeping bees while Watson sits reading sea stories and medical journals in the old soldiers' home? Seventy years is a long time to do anything, especially for someone who claimed his mind "rebelled at stagnation." Keeping bees cannot be that interesting.

There are, however, some things that are that interesting. The possibility of immortality, for example. Current records of human longevity have documented no cases of anyone living past the age of 115. For Holmes and Watson to be over 125 they certainly must know something the rest of the world doesn't. Whether that secret was the result of years of research or the most freakish of accidents, we have no clues. We are equally in the dark over the possibility of rejuvenation -- that they are not prolonging their lives, but have actually found a way to reclaim their lost youth. If that is the true solution, the mind boggles at the things two such men could be doing now. Sherlock Holmes could be in some involved undercover work that would make "His Last Bow" pale in comparison. And as for the good Dr. Watson -- his experience with women on three continents may well have expanded to include the remaining four.

In any case, the detective and the doctor have covered their tracks well, maneuvering their presences out of the records of Her Majesty's government (through the aid of Mycroft, to be sure) and into the realm of "fiction." No one questions if a mythical person has a 125th or even a 200th birthday. It is a brilliant scheme, worthy of the Master, but with one flaw. Neither Holmes nor Watson is so untouched by the attentions of their following as to remain completely out of contact. Their occasional letters to scions and individual Holmesians, although they often speak of old-age maladies, give them away. The pair obviously passed beyond the term of ordinary humanity, into the realm of Solomon, Woodrow Wilson Smith, and other long-lived folk. Just how long they will live, perhaps even they do not know. We certainly don't know. And we don't know their present whereabouts, their current activities, or the means of their longevity. Nor should we. For if any two men deserve some extra lifetime, and the privacy to enjoy it, it is Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. May they continue to do so.

An occasional letter is nice, however, and should the two gentlemen concerned by reading this, they are heartily encouraged not to give up the practice. It is always good to hear from an old friend, no matter how old "old" may be.

(Printed in Plugs & Dottles, October 1983)