Reichenbach II?

Suppose you came home from work one day and found your wife burning your copy of The Complete Sherlock Holmes.

"Hand me the Annotated," she tells you, as the Doubleday blackens and curls beneath the flame. "Quick, before the neighbors see."

A fellow Sherlockian calls to tell you that John Bennett Shaw has smuggled his collection across the border to Mexico and that a citizen's group has destroyed the University of Minnesota's complete collection down to the last non-Sherlockian Doyle novel. You already knew that part; is was on the evening news.

"What are you going to do?" she asks you.

What, indeed!?

The events leading to the above scenario could be many. An unlikely turn of events leading to war between the United States and England; a wave of fanatic censorship spreading across the country; a well-known Sherlockian turning out to be one of the country's worst mass murderers. One single event may not be the cause; such things usually happen in degrees. But suddenly you find that a future not unlike Orwell's 1984 or Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 is here, and Sherlockians are the prime target. What then?

Possibility No. 1: Help you wife finish destroying your collection, and quickly fill your shelves with those strange objets d'art that have occupied a box on your closet shelf for years. Aunt Mavis will be delighted to see the ceramic pelican she gave you displayed so prominently, and equally glad that you've given up that weird hobby of yours.

Possibility No. 2: Take your books to a public burning, loudly renounce your misguided past, and fink on your Sherlockian friends. You'll probably be miserable the rest of your life and die a horrible death, but then, you would deserve it.

Possibility No. 3: Hide your books, form a Nero Wolfe society as a cover, and go underground. It's the most Sherlockian course of action, and, of course, the most perilous. And finally . . .

Possibility No. 4: Head for Canada (or, if a similar situation exists there, Japan). Don't worry, you're not dodging the draft; you're escaping oppression, which is a truly American thing to do. Canada has numerous fine Sherlockian societies, not to mention the Toronto Library's collection. Of course, depending upon the severity of the situation, you might never see your friends or family again . . .

Dark times and sacrifices -- such things we may never see. But what if the unexpected did come to pass, as often it does? Would you trade Aunt Mavis, Uncle Jake, Steve and Linda, Jim, Ned, Lois, and Mr. Finster next door for Sherlock, Mycroft, John and Mary, Billy, Violet, Athelney, and Thorneycroft Huxtable? Blood may not be thicker than a hardbound Hound of the Baskervilles, but it is blood. And after all, Holmes, Watson, and the rest are inhabitants of the mind. Whatever course one's life takes, they shall always be there, hailing hansom cabs and racing to the aid of those afflicted with mysterious threats and stolen valuables. Can the same be said of Uncle Jake and Aunt Mavis?

If every copy of every Sherlock Holmes story in the world were destroyed today, the master detective would not be gone. He would simply finish moving from the realm of literature to that of legend, and take up full residence there. Generation would pass the stories of Holmes on to generation, time and again. Even the most lethal censorship cannot kill that. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson will go on, as long as the human race goes on, and perhaps even after that (one can easily envision a latter day insect race taking Trouble in Bugland as its holy writ) .

So if that black day should come, and you're watching your Complete go up in smoke, don't do anything too drastic. Look to your memories, hold on to them, and work from there. Holmes and Watson will be there for a long time to come.

In the meantime, be nice to your relatives.

(Printed in Plugs & Dottles, July 1984)